fuckery

i can't get this music loud enough and this beer is warm. miss misery wants company...

i can't do this unless i'm stuck inside my head unless i'm stuck in adolescent emotionalism. 

i claim this blog in the name of immaturity!!!!! my ocd makes me type 5 exclamation points!!!!!

it's not as if i have nothing. i have things. i have more than most. i thank baby jesus in his little diaper every fucking day for what i have. i want to learn japanese flower arranging. i want to learn to look at you and feel nothing, not even hate. i want to be your biggest regret. 

words on a screen. everything is so fucking impersonal. phone calls begat texting begat emails. less and less connected with every fucking connection!!!!! as long as we don't have to look at each other in 3 dimensions, we don't have to really LOOK! do we??? memories are flat and dull and we wouldn't have it any other way. 

just know this: you are only a distraction. to keep me from feeling any real hurt.