what do you do when your leadoff hitter is on another team, sorta like the yankees, one with more resources and a maybe a better front office, and all you want to do is bench your pinch hitters, but you don't wanna totally fuck up your chances in the post season?

same words and skin and lies in my veins just let me bleed 

please

let me be

this 

again.

lets not say how bad this is

i am

you will never be

my many layered blame dress of ruffles and other such forgettables

leave it in the gutter when you're done

i'll surely find it.

for now, here,

on borrowed 

time

shirt

conversation

hope to sleep before i decide to tell

hope to feel before i really can

let me go..

and still more..

that girl you laugh at
the one you think so little of
is losing her grip and falling faster
than you can come up with ways to distort
to disembowel
she can spit
acid
on all the pictures you paint and try to hide inside
she will not let you forget
she will peel away the layers she will eat the silence
devour
your dirty little lies
she'll get fat and birth what you fear
and smile while you die.

i am scratching this paltry skin
and the paint is chipping
but it will not bleed
get close enough to hear this whisper
this tiny scream
this mirror you beg to break
shhhhh...
shades of green you thought could not exist
will sing you to sleep
and i hope to die

well here we go

so there are colors and words i will forget
especially yours,
cunt!
try taking that dick out of your mouth before you say anything about me
and try schooling your spawn too
neither of you look so good in robes, on pedestals, holding gavels you have not earned
i would love to sew you shut
and someday i will
when my fist stops hurting,
when my eyes can finally shut for a minute
when i can breathe..
will your air ever be as pure?
will i ever stop smelling you
rotting?

i can't do this sober...

no no no
there is a tangled ball of something where my brain was
and a cold hard something where my heart was not
and everythings cloudy and fuzzy and drowning
and im trying to drown out the whispers that are not so quiet
and i am screaming inside myself
and i have had the salty water spill
where i never wanted it to
where no one deserved to see
and tonight i will not sleep
again
and tomorrow
i will try to
be something
i'm supposed to
and i refuse to clean up that mess...