and still more..

that girl you laugh at
the one you think so little of
is losing her grip and falling faster
than you can come up with ways to distort
to disembowel
she can spit
acid
on all the pictures you paint and try to hide inside
she will not let you forget
she will peel away the layers she will eat the silence
devour
your dirty little lies
she'll get fat and birth what you fear
and smile while you die.

i am scratching this paltry skin
and the paint is chipping
but it will not bleed
get close enough to hear this whisper
this tiny scream
this mirror you beg to break
shhhhh...
shades of green you thought could not exist
will sing you to sleep
and i hope to die

well here we go

so there are colors and words i will forget
especially yours,
cunt!
try taking that dick out of your mouth before you say anything about me
and try schooling your spawn too
neither of you look so good in robes, on pedestals, holding gavels you have not earned
i would love to sew you shut
and someday i will
when my fist stops hurting,
when my eyes can finally shut for a minute
when i can breathe..
will your air ever be as pure?
will i ever stop smelling you
rotting?

i can't do this sober...

no no no
there is a tangled ball of something where my brain was
and a cold hard something where my heart was not
and everythings cloudy and fuzzy and drowning
and im trying to drown out the whispers that are not so quiet
and i am screaming inside myself
and i have had the salty water spill
where i never wanted it to
where no one deserved to see
and tonight i will not sleep
again
and tomorrow
i will try to
be something
i'm supposed to
and i refuse to clean up that mess...

i'm sorry

i'm not entirely sure what happened, or how much of a factor i was.
maybe what did happen was worse than what didn't...i just know that i am indescribably sad and a little hurt, and a lot confused.
and i hope you're ok.

so i guess this is getting dangerous
well i never trusted myself for a reason
combustion
fueled by empty glasses and too-long glances
you can play the part of fuse and i,
ignition