i will fight you

so, if you're a 20-something slacker who's biggest concern in life is when you'll next get your dick wet, please feel free to never, ever make snide comments about my parenting, or my child. because be assured, the only reason you still have all your teeth is that my child was present. otherwise, you'd be wishing you had dental insurance and a much higher tolerance for pain. make no mistake, if you make the same comments when the kid is not around, and especially if i've had a few drinks, you will rue the day you were born. you will be calling your mother asking her why she had to bring you into this world. nothing personal, at least not too much, but i will fucking kill you.