no no no
there is a tangled ball of something where my brain was
and a cold hard something where my heart was not
and everythings cloudy and fuzzy and drowning
and im trying to drown out the whispers that are not so quiet
and i am screaming inside myself
and i have had the salty water spill
where i never wanted it to
where no one deserved to see
and tonight i will not sleep
again
and tomorrow
i will try to
be something
i'm supposed to
and i refuse to clean up that mess...

i'm sorry

i'm not entirely sure what happened, or how much of a factor i was.
maybe what did happen was worse than what didn't...i just know that i am indescribably sad and a little hurt, and a lot confused.
and i hope you're ok.

so i guess this is getting dangerous
well i never trusted myself for a reason
combustion
fueled by empty glasses and too-long glances
you can play the part of fuse and i,
ignition

gotta get it out before the buzzing stops and i am deafened by my thoughts falling heart attack numb inside my head where you dance with her so fucking ugly from the inside out stained and broken dirty little puppets without any secrets without any substance your worthless words falling on my wish they were deaf ears if only you knew where i've been finding comfort lately..

i think that being in love with you
should be a diagnosable mental disorder.

let's turn it on, turn it out
forget where i've been
what i've tasted
no matter how close it is
i think we should dance
i think we should drive
into walls, into the ocean,
into something that feels like something
you should've been there
when he touched me
but i'm glad you weren't.

this is all just cables over miles
of avoidance
distraction to delay reflection
numbers that don't translate to breathing
life in 2 dimensions
touch without skin, without thought
these things crash for a reason